Difficult conversations
You know that feeling you get when you know you have to have an uncomfortable conversation? Your stomach ties up in knots and you can’t seem to find the right words to express yourself. You worry about how it will land with the other person or what their reaction might be. You run it through your head a million times and the more you think about it, the less you want to actually have the conversation. Maybe you keep putting it off just to avoid the whole discomfort of it. That’s natural. Difficult conversations are…well…difficult. Throughout my career, I’ve had several uncomfortable conversations, but I’ve avoided my fair share too. This is what I’ve noticed. The people with whom I’ve worked through the difficult conversations are also the ones with whom I’ve developed the strongest and most productive working relationships. When I avoided those difficult conversations, not surprisingly, the relationship suffered.
They are not fun but they are necessary when you’re in a leadership position. Avoiding them can lead to several negative consequences for individuals and the overall team dynamics:
Damaged Relationships: Unresolved issues can strain relationships, causing resentment and tension among colleagues. Avoidance only prolongs the inevitable and exacerbates the problem.
Diminished Productivity: Ignoring difficult conversations means unresolved issues continue to hinder productivity. Frustrations may escalate, leading to poor team collaboration and decreased efficiency.
Missed Growth Opportunities: Difficult conversations can be learning opportunities that facilitate personal and professional growth. Avoiding them deprives individuals of valuable feedback and impedes their development.
Cultivating Toxic Culture: Workplace cultures that encourage avoidance of difficult conversations foster an environment of avoidance at the expense of open communication. This can contribute to an unhealthy work atmosphere.
While challenging, addressing difficult conversations is essential for a thriving workplace. Here are some strategies to help guide you through these conversations:
Prepare and Reflect: Take time to reflect on the issue at hand and consider the desired outcome. Plan your approach, anticipate possible objections, and strive for a mutually beneficial resolution.
Choose the Right Time and Place: Timing is key. Pick a moment when all parties involved can focus without distractions. Find a neutral and private space where everyone can feel comfortable and at ease.
Active Listening: Effective communication requires active listening. During the conversation, prioritize understanding the perspectives of all individuals involved. Maintain eye contact, ask clarifying questions, and validate their feelings and experiences.
Remain Calm and Respectful: Emotions can run high during difficult conversations, but it's crucial to remain calm. Avoid personal attacks, remain respectful, and remember that the goal is constructive dialogue, not confrontation.
Focus on Solutions: Shift the conversation toward identifying solutions rather than dwelling solely on the problems. Encourage a collaborative mindset, where all parties actively participate in finding resolutions that meet everyone's needs.
Follow Up: After the conversation, maintain open lines of communication. Check-in with each other periodically to ensure any agreed-upon actions are being implemented and address any concerns that may arise.
Difficult conversations may be challenging, but they are crucial for fostering a healthy and productive workplace. By embracing these conversations, we can cultivate stronger relationships, enhance team performance, and create a more positive work environment.
Next week, Heather and I are running a Difficult Conversations workshop. If you get nervous when you’re faced with a difficult conversation, we’ll help you gain the skills and confidence to work productively with others.
